Keara's (VERY partial) rules for the appreciation of rock & roll music, Part 1

This is mostly for Cory, but I figure it applies to everyone, so here you go...

• AC/DC is always cool. No matter what.
• Led Zeppelin is almost always cool.
• Pink Floyd is apparently only cool if you're stoned, so in your case, Pink Floyd is NEVER cool.
• Metallica WAS cool until about 1989. Anything before the Black Album is cool. The Black Album itself is not particularly cool, but it was crazy popular, so if you have to listen to a song, just act like it's lame. Anything after the Black Album is strictly forbidden. (Load is the most appropriately named album in the history of music.) The jury is still out on the new album. (Edit-so far the new one seems OK, but it will require more listens to be sure.)
• Judas Priest is cool, unless you're at a gay bar, in which case it's sort of ironic and still OK.
• For some reason, Whitesnake is always cool.
• Hairbands from the 80's, in general, are severely uncool. The problem is they are fun to listen to. You'll have to use your best judgement.
• Buddy Holly is the supreme King of cool. If anyone tries to disagree, they know nothing about the history of rock & roll. Therefore, their opinion is inconsequential.
• Elvis, Johnny Cash, Eric Clapton, Bob Dylan, and Jimi Hendrix are always cool. (This is just an example. Ask (someone who is not your mother) if you're not sure about other artists.)
• The blues are cool. Stevie Ray Vaughan, B.B. King, Muddy Waters, the list goes on.
• The Beatles are cool. There are some Beatles songs, however, which are not. Use your best judgement.
• Oldies are goodies. Don't dismiss something just because it was made before your parents were born.
• The Rolling Stones are cool. Mick Jagger, however, has done some pretty uncool duets. Avoid them at all costs.
• David Bowie is cool, even when he's not. Which, sometimes, he really really isn't.
• In general, artists who write their own songs are cooler than those who don’t.
• Punk is rock & roll. Don’t let anyone convince you it’s not.
• Pop, in general, is not rock & roll. (I’m looking at you, Nickelback.) Not that there isn’t cool pop out there, because there is, it just isn't rock & roll.
• Disco is neither pop nor rock. Unless you're at a wedding dance, disco is pretty much the least cool music there is.
• Jazz can be the coolest thing ever. It can also suck. Ask someone who knows.
• Elvis is cool. Bloated, jumpsuit, Vegas Elvis is hard to love, but still cool. Elvis Costello is also cool.
• Boy bands are supremely uncool. Fun to sing along to, but uncool.
• You can listen to music that isn't cool, just try to do it when no one is around. If you want to listen to uncool music in public, you have to commit to loving it so much that it becomes cool. Anything (except disco) can be made to seem cool if you pretend hard enough.
• Sometimes songs are so uncool that they are, therefore, actually cool. This rule can never apply to disco.